The Power of Being Believed

Trigger Warning: This post will have mentions of sexual assault/abuse.

I was sexually assaulted as a child by one of my stepfathers. I have recently (about a month ago) began to unpack this and start to heal this decades old trauma. Yesterday, I had a massage that's sole purpose was to help me start releasing the trauma of that assault. The massage itself was helpful, but the real impact came when talking with my friend/massage therapist afterwards. I shared with her that when I disclosed no one believed me. I began to wonder if it was something that I made up. Before I could even get that out, she interrupted me and told me there was no way I made it up. We sat in silence for a while while I was processing everything. My friend spoke up and said something to me, that I didn't realize I needed to hear. She locked eyes with me and said "I believe you."

Growing up watching Law and Order: SVU, I longed to be believed the way that Olivia Benson believed survivors. I mean, there were people who believed me as I got older and started sharing my story, but it was never said directly to me. It was more of me sharing my story and then us moving onto another topic with the understanding that they now knew a little part of me. So for the longest time, and still to this day, I gravitate to SVU to feel seen and believed. This is one of the reasons that I believe this show is so important. It tells the stories, that for a long time, have been silenced, that we have been told to not talk about. It believes survivors and empowers them to use their voices. It gives them a voice. It shows them that, “You survived the assault, you will survive the recovery.” (season 13 episode 8). SVU and Olivia Benson helped me survive my assault by showing me that I was not alone and by believing me through the stories that they told.

Since moving to Michigan 10 years ago, I have started sharing my story more. Not because I feel I have to, but because I feel safe to. I have been given a safe place to share and heal. I have started sharing the poems I wrote as a child about the assault. I have written more poems. I don't hide when the memories come back. I don't run from the pain. Instead, I talk about it. When I first started getting massages a few years ago, I told my massage therapist about my assault. We talked about the massage and what it would look like. We talked about how I had control of my body. When we were talking yesterday after the first session, she told me again that I was in control. That I lead the sessions and she would follow me. She said that it was important that I had a voice in this, especially because I didn't have a voice when I was younger.

My wife, Rhiannon, has been a huge help on this healing journey. She gives me a safe space to talk about the trauma, she asks questions, and she holds me when things get too loud. She is honestly angrier than I am about my past. She has helped me realize that some of the things I thought were normal childhood experiences, were actually abuse and not okay. She has been such a rock for me through all of this.

"Healing begins when someone bears witness." (season 13, episode 6). I have heard this quote, I have repeated this quote to others, and after yesterday (and these past few weeks), I finally believe this quote. Having a friend look me in the eyes and say the words "I believe you" changed something in me. It was devastating when it was first said. I literally felt my heart crack open. I didn't know how to take it in, to accept it. In fact, I am pretty sure I just looked at her and nodded. But as the day went on, it started to sink in how important it is to hear the those words spoken not just insinuated.

The world is such a messed up place right now, and with everything going on with the Epstein files...it is more important than ever to speak up and share our stories, to support others who need supporting, and to fight for those who have had their voices stolen. This is a safe place for you. If you want to share your story, I am all ears. I see you. I believe you. I am so glad you are here.

#JoyfulJourneyHappyHeart