The Only Way Out is Through, and Other Things Mariska Taught Me.
- nycmarathon31
- Feb 27
- 5 min read
So, I was going to talk about how great it is that the sun is out and it is 50* in Michigan. I was going to talk about going on a walk outside with my wife for the first time since starting this journey. But then we got the news that Mariska Hargitay made TIME's Women of the Year list for 2026 and that shifted everything. I have debated writing about this because it is a very sensitive subject for me, I have been made fun of all my life for throwing myself into fandoms. So sharing this is scary, but I just couldn't let this news go by without celebrating the woman who has had the largest impact on my life.
I have been an avid Law and Order: SVU fan for most of my life. I think I started watching around age 19. Without getting to into it, I will just say that in total, I have watched the entire catalog about 6 times (with 5 of those watch throughs being since 2019). It has been such an influential pillar in my life. As I have mentioned in a previous blog, I leaned a lot on the character Olivia Benson growing up, wishing someone in my life would have been that strong, empathetic support that I needed. Because of this, Mariska Hargitay has always been a constant household name in my life.
Back in January of this year, I was going on 8 months of being incredibly depressed and lost. It was starting to get scary. I feel like all I did was cry and lay on my couch. After talking with Rhiannon one day about how I was feeling, she asked what I did when I was younger and needed clarity. I told her I was a bedroom girl. I lived in my room, immersing myself in the world of entertainment. I would watch tv, usually SVU. I would watch Broadway performances. I would put headphones in and blast music as loud as I could take it. I would tune out the "real" world. Rhiannon suggested that I try that. So, I did. I bought easy snacks and drinks and locked myself in my office/guest room. The first hour or so, I sat on the bed and set my phone to do not disturb, something I have never done. I really sat in what I was feeling and realized that I was struggling with my mother wound (shocker I know). I decided that I was going to rewatch My Mom Jayne, Mariska Hargitay's documentary about her mom, Jayne Mansfield, and the complicated relationship she had toward her. After watching the documentary, I felt that I wanted to know more, so I started watching all of the film festival interviews, the press tours, and the podcasts that Mariska had been a part of surrounding this documentary. I started to see a different person than the one who had been such a huge part of my young adult years. I didn't realize that watching Mariska heal this part of her soul through learning about her mom, would also help me start to really heal my mother wound.
We all know that our phones are listening, so that night when I got on Tik Tok my whole "for you" page was Mariska Hargitay. There was a video where she said "you need to surround yourself with people who tell you you can and who are good for your nervous system." Before figuring out if someone in my life was good for my nervous system, I needed to know what was good for my nervous system. I sat down with pen and paper and wrote down things that made me feel happy, most loved, and most seen. Then I took that list and had a hard conversation with myself about the people in my life and if they were good for me. That was the first night.
The second day, my wife brought me a scrambled egg sandwich up for breakfast so I didn't have to leave the room, and I continued watching interviews. One of the things that stuck out to me the most was how open, vulnerable, and compassionate Mariska was. She spoke to every person with such warmth and kindness. My whole life I have been made to feel that my vulnerability is a weakness, but in watching this incredible woman, I have learned that it is not only my strength...it is a superpower. I love hard. I love deep. And if someone has an issue with it, then that is a "them problem", not a "me problem". They can go find less.
Day Three, I came out of the room a new person. I didn't even need the whole weekend. I went downstairs and talked to Rhiannon for hours about what I did my two days. She was in tears, she told me she had missed this version of me. She hated watching me become so closed off, miserable, making myself smaller so people would love "me". We talked about what changes I wanted to make and how they aligned with what I was feeling. The past 2 months have been life changing. I have rediscovered who I am. I have allowed myself to feel deeper than I have in years. I have allowed myself to fall in love with being a fan of something (several things, actually) and someone again. I have started only doing the things that I know will bring me joy, things that I want to do. I have learned to say no. My wife and I have never been closer, our passion has been reignited.
I know better than to say that all of these changes are because of Mariska Hargitay; I am the one who chose to make these decisions. But, it would be such a discredit to her if I didn't say that her vulnerability and light didn't help me find my own strength and my own voice. They say don't meet your heroes, but I believe that her fans' hearts would be safe with her. So, I would like to take a moment to say...
Thank you, Mariska, for your advocacy work. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with the world. Thank you for your humor (you are THE funniest person). I could go on thanking you for so much more, but finally, thank you for validating who I am as a person, because of who you are as a person! Congratulations on being named one of TIMES's Women of the Year!
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