Rays of a Beautiful Sun

Okay. It is time. I have had 2 weeks to process this, at least I think I have.

March 30th I woke up to an article that Rhiannon sent me telling me that Mariska Hargitay was going to Broadway. Once I realized that it wasn't fake news, I began crying. I didn't stop crying until I was in the Hudson Theatre 65 days later. I couldn't watch SVU without crying over the fact that I was going to be in the same room with her, and that sucked because we were still in the middle of a new season. I cried more in those 65 days than I have in years combined. I cried so much that one of my friends suggested that I keep track , so I did. My heart just didn't know how to handle what was going to happen.

Before we get into my experience, I want to take some time to tell you about a gift that Rhiannon and I participated in. Our friend, Nae, had this magnificent idea to get fans from around the world to submit brilliant things about Mariska Hargitay. Nae, then wrote every single one of them down on a colorful piece of paper and put them all in a mason jar. She also opened up donations for The Joyful Heart Foundation. She gathered 100 brilliant things and we, collectively, ended up donating $600 for the Joyful Heart in honor of Mariska. She put the jar, the receipt from the donation, a card with all of the donors names, and a bag of Jolly Ranchers (one of Mariska's brilliant things) into a gift bag and gave it to one of Mariska's people at the stage door. Pictures were released just this week of her in her dressing room and there was the jar with the brilliant things as well as brilliant things taped to her wall. It was cool to see that she received and has opened the gift.

When we got to New York on May 31st, we dropped our stuff off at the hotel and booked it over to the Hudson. I had to see it in person, I needed to know it was actually happening. We had a friend go to two shows the week before and she sent us lots of pictures and videos, but until I saw it with my own eyes...I couldn't process it. Anyway, we took several pictures with the marquee. There is a picture of her on the door. Rhiannon told me to come take a selfie with her and this picture. I stepped up to the door and Rhiannon told me to look at the picture of Mariska. As soon as I did, I turned into a blubbering mess. This was really happening.

The day of our first show came. We were supposed to go to the court house and the diner they use to shoot scenes in the show, but my anxiety was not down for that. I woke up at 6am already crying. I told Rhiannon that I could not do Mariska Hargitay things on Mariska Hargitay Day. She understood, so we hung out around the hotel and the NBA store. Our friend who went the week before us told us to get to the theatre around 5:30 because the lines start forming around then and they would let us in at 6pm. We bought the priority entrance add on to our tickets so we were the first ones let in the building. When we walked in, there was a red carpet set up in the first room they let us in. They held us in this room for a little while before moving us into the lobby. We waited in this room for about 20 minutes. There were brilliant

things written on different colored paper hanging from the ceiling. Rhiannon and I had looked at the merch that morning to decide what we wanted so we would be able to walk up, order it, and get to our seats. We bought a poster and 2 magnets. The user then sent us toward the stage. I couldn't bring myself to look up as a walked toward the stage...but I was forced to look up as I climbed the stairs. At the very top of the stairs, Mariska Hargitay was standing right there. Someone behind us must have waved or something because she looked at them and said "Hey There." I must have froze because the next thing I know Rhiannon's hand was on my lower back, guiding me up the stairs. When we sat in our seats ON THE STAGE, I could not take my eyes off of Mariska.

I was so worried that I was going to fall apart the moment I was in the room with her, but I felt instantly calm. I didn't cry (this shocked everyone, especially with how much I cried leading up to it). Mariska walked over to our section to give out two of the cards used in the show. She asked who wanted to participate. One of the ladies sitting next to us told her that her friend was a fan and Mariska said "but does she have a strong voice?" and the woman said loudly "I DO!" and Mariska made a shocked face and thanked her for her "audition". After that, Mariska went backstage to her dressing room.

We heard rumors that there were some pretty famous faces in the audience that night. The lady next to us went to the bathroom and came back telling us that she saw Jodie Foster. After that, we started seeing more and more familiar faces. It turns out that this was Mariska's official opening night and A LOT of the cast from SVU was there, including Kelli Giddish, Aimé Donna Kelly, Christopher Meloni, and Raúl Esparza. We were told later that Peter Scanavino was there as well...I was pretty sad I missed him. We LOVE Sonny Carisi in this house.

So the show...I don't want to ruin it, even if most of you reading this will never see it...I don't want to ruin it for the ones who do. Also, it is going on tour, so more you may see it than I think. I will say that going in I was a little worried about seeing a show that focused on mental health. For those of you who know me, know that Next to Normal is a show that is very near and dear to my heart and I will cry from the opening note until like a week later. Just kidding, but it does wreck me. So, I was a little worried about that with this show, especially with the words coming from a voice that has been such a pillar in my healing journey. It was beautifully written. I laughed so many times. I did cry a couple of times, but again, that was to be expected.

When the show ended, we were let off the stage right next to the stage door. Rhiannon and I were able to get on the barricade. Mariska came out about 20-30 minutes after we got out there...it was the quickest I have ever seen someone come out at the stage door. She didn't sign that night, as it was also her opening night party, so she had to go but wanted to make sure she thanked us all for being there first.

We planned on rushing tickets for Thursday's show and if we didn't get them, we planed on just buying tickets. However, as we were at dinner Wednesday night, I got a notification that her tickets were selling fast. So instead of waiting, we just went ahead and bought out tickets (good thing because when we did there were like 20 seats left).

Thursday, we did not have priority passes. This was fine. We were in the same place in line waiting to get in as we were with the priority, so it didn't matter. While we were standing in line, Hoda Kotb walked by and entered the theatre. She was so kind. She stopped and talked and took pictures with everyone who wanted them. We didn't buy merch this time, so we went right to our seats. We were in the orchestra this time. I, once again, couldn't take my eyes off of her. I noticed that at this show, the audience was a little more rowdy. They kept going to the stage and tried to talk to her and give her things and take pictures of her. So she did go back to her dressing room pretty quickly and didn't hand out any cards that day.

I am so impressed with how well Mariska Hargitay handled the audience at the beginning of this show. When she started the show, people in the audience began screaming out random words. She was shaken at first and restarted. The audience did it again. At first I thought that someone was pranking her. But she looked very confused. She turned to the stage manager who was sitting next to the stage and she told her to start again, so she did. The audience did it AGAIN. So Mariska finally called them out and said in the kindest way possible to only speak if you have a card and if you have a card only say what is on the card and only when she calls your number. Then she smiled, shook it off, and tried it one more time. This time she made it through the opening scene. The audience was pretty respectful, until almost the end. There was a moment that she calls out a number and no one has it. It is supposed to symbolize what was happening in her life...but someone in the audience was not comfortable sitting in the silence and yelled something about croissants. Mariska looked in that general direction, took a deep breath, said her line again and then rushed through the silence to keep going.

That night she came out for the stage door to sign! She started down at the other end. When she got to us, it was clear that there was some communication things happening with her family. However, she was still present and kind and so warm. When she was signing Rhiannon's Playbill, Rhiannon said "Mariska, I hope that this experience is everything that you dreamed it would be". She looked Rhiannon in the eye and said "Thank you. It kinda already is. Thank you." She then took my poster to sign. I had planned on saying something when she handed the poster back, but someone on her team had stepped up to talk to her about what was happening with her leaving the theatre that night, so I didn't say anything. If I am being honest...I am not sure I would have been able to say anything anyway.

I am not good at talking in front of people at all. The first night, Rhiannon and I both were given cards to say during the show. I got the one that I had wanted since the day I bought my ticket. "7: People Falling Over". I was so excited until I saw all the people who could see me on the stage under the lights. I was told that it would come up twice and I guess that was my deal breaker. I asked the lady sitting next to Rhiannon if she wanted a card and she said yes and took it. Do I regret it...you betcha. But I am not dwelling on it. Leading up to this show, I spent weeks trying to figure out what I would say if I got the chance to say it and then I spent the remainder of the time practicing saying it to anyone who would listen. I was going to say..."Olivia Benson helped me through my assault, but You taught me how to heal." When the time came and I saw that she was distracted, I took that as my sign that I should not say anything. So, I didn't.

In the blog I wrote about Mariska being named one of TIME's WOMEN OF THE YEAR, I said "They say don't meet your heroes, but I believe that her fans' hearts would be safe with her." I could not have been more correct. She comes out every night, whether she signs or not, just to thank her fans for coming to see her show and supporting her. She takes the time to listen when people do talk to her at the stage door. She tries to connect with each person that hands her something to sign. She is kind, warm, funny, and everything that we hoped she would be. I just want to take a minute to talk about the cast that came to see her that first night. Being on the stage, we had a front row seat to watching the crowd react to her and let me tell you...fan, friend, husband, or child...the way every person in that room looked at her from the moment she stepped on that stage is something that I will hold in my heart for a very long time. These people who don't only know her as Mariska Hargitay or Olivia Benson but as "Marish" (as she called herself), were just as in awe of her as we were. Their faces lit up, they had tears in their eyes, their smiles rivaled the sun. We knew that she was respected and adored, but seeing it in real time, melted my heart.

So while, there were a couple of things that threw a wrench in our plans (mainly me talking to her lol), this has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life. "Things get better. They might not always get brilliant, but they get better."

1,000,001: Mariska Hargitay

1,000,002: Joyful Miles Journey

I am so happy you are here! #JoyfulJourneyHappyHeart