Connection in an Isolating Age
I have been very open about my dive back into fandoms, but I don't think I have talked a lot about how important being in fandoms has been in my life.
I joined my first fandom back in 2006. I had just started watching American Idol with my mom and her husband at the time. I instantly gravitated to Paula Abdul. She was warm and kind and very maternal to the contestants, and we all know that I was STARVING for a mother figure. I started finding message boards online. I started out just reading what people were posting. Then I started joining in. Before I knew it, I was making friends with people all over the world; people from New Jersey, South Africa, England, Indiana, etc. We would talk all the time. They understood what I was feeling and going through, some of them going through very similar things. My family listened when I talked about my "hyper fixation" but they didn't really engage. They didn't try to understand. I was in this American Idol/Paula Abdul/Simon Cowell fandom for many years, all through high school and then some.
The next fandom I found myself in was the Broadway/Idina Menzel fandom. This was a wild time. I was freshly 18 when Glee came out. I had been to a few shows at our local touring house, but I wasn't really into the whole theatre scene...until the episode of Glee when they performed Defying Gravity. Something about that song struck a chord in me and I was hooked. That night, I started looking into the song, which led me to Wicked, which then led me to Idina Menzel. This fandom changed the entire trajectory of my life, literally. Around this time, Tumblr and LiveJournal were where it was at. It made it so much easier to connect with people and make friends within the fandoms. I was introduced to a friend through a mutual friend back in 2015. We have never met in person, not from a lack of trying (lol), but I know I could still write her freaking out about something to do with Broadway and not only is she going to listen, but she will match my energy time and time again. There is no judgement, there is no "calm down", there is no eye roll. Just pure joy...even if it isn't something that she cares about.
Also in this fandom, I met my best friend. We talked literally all day, every day. We'd get home and immediately get on Skype and video chat all night, only pausing for dinner (and even then sometimes I would take the computer with me). We would write letters, emails, texts. I would go visit her multiple times a year. I took her to her first Idina Menzel concert (and every one after). I made it to NYC for the first time with her. There hasn't been a day since 2013 that we haven't talked. And now...this incredible friend who saw me, understood me, connected with me...well, she is my wife.
As I mentioned a few blogs ago, I stepped away from fandoms, especially online fandoms, for a while. I was being told I was too old to be part of online communities. I was being told that online communities weren't real community, that I needed to focus more on the community where I lived, so I did. Well, since starting this journey, I have said screw that and I have thrown myself right back into being a fan. I have joined the SVU/Mariska Hargitay/Knicks fandoms. And let me tell you, I have come alive again. Rhiannon and I made a friend recently through this fandom and it turns out that we have all been following each other for 6 years, Idina Menzel was the common denominator back then...now it is SVU.
Fandoms are not something that you outgrow, they follow you through life. Fandoms are
friendship. Fandoms are community. Fandoms are connection. I am still close friends with some of the very first people I met in the Paula Abdul fandom. We don't talk as much as we used to, but we are still connected. We still see each other when we can. When we have big moments in our lives, we reach out and share. When things go wrong, we lean on each other for support. Social media has made it a lot easier to stay connected to the people we meet along the way...definitely a lot easier than trying to find a time to talk to someone 6 hours ahead of you on AOL Messenger when you have school the next day. Some of the people I have met along the way are some of the most important people in my life. Ones that never make me feel judged. Ones that I can be my true, authentic self around. They understand what I've been through, what I'm going through, and why we love the people that we love...because they also joined these fandoms for the same reason...to be seen, heard, understood, and connected.
So go out there, and find people that you connect with. Allow yourself to hyper fixate. Allow yourself to be exactly who you are. Your people will come.
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