2025...What A Year!

I have mentioned a few times that I am hoping to find myself on this journey. You may be wondering how I lost myself....well let me tell ya!

Last year started out strong. My wife and I decided early on that we were going to move to Orlando, FL. We wanted to be closer to my family in Georgia and Florida. We wanted to be near Disney and Universal (we love theme parks). We wanted to have a winter without snow and ice. We planned to move in November, the weekend after Thanksgiving.

Because we were moving, I knew that I needed to start preparing to leave this place that I have called home for 10 years. I needed to start preparing to leave the friends who have become my family and leaving my in laws who have come to mean so much to me. But the hardest change was going to be leaving the theatre that I had given so many years to. I have always loved theatre, but I was more of an avid audience member. In 2021, my wife was asked to stage manage a show and she asked if I wanted to be her assistant stage manager. I was terrified. I did my first show that December and never looked back. I went from assistant stage managing to assistant directing (so not for me) to associate production manager to production manager for full seasons. I spent more time at the theatre than I did at home. I gave my everything to this theatre. When we decided to move, I knew that I needed to stop working at the theatre at the end of the 24/25 season to give myself time to grieve that loss. So the final show of the season, my wife directed and I produced it. We ended our time at our home theatre together, the same way we started. After that show closed, I was thrown into a massive depressive episode. I didn't know who I was, what I was supposed to do, or what my purpose was. For 4 years, I was Theatre Alexandria, and that was all I knew.

At the same time, my wife was laid off from her job. Things were piling up and my emotions were not ready for any of it. I talked to my wife and we decided to postpone the move. I set clear boundaries that I would not go back to the theatre so that I wouldn't have to go through leaving again. I would spend this year figuring out who I am outside of a theatre.

My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship, she has been in and out of my life since I was a teenager. Every time I would hurt her feelings or do something she didn't like she was "done" and would cut me off for however long she felt like. We were finally doing better, or so I thought, but in October I made a post about my friends helping me through the transition of leaving the theatre and I didn't put a picture of my mom in the post (I didn't put any family in the post). I received a message telling me that she was "sick of being the friend and not the mom" and to "enjoy my life. she is done.". I decided that I was tired of the back and forth. I was tired of walking on egg shells and that this was the last time she would use the "I'm done" line to guilt me into doing what she wanted. So I deleted and blocked all access to me. While I was the one who decided to make this choice permanent, it didn't make it hurt any less. So I have also been grieving the loss of a mother who is still alive that I will never be good enough for.

2025 was a year of change and grief. I still have no idea who I am or what my purpose in this life is, but I do know that I am finally in a place where I am okay with that. I don't need to have it all figured out right now. I am not starting this journey to find who I am, but if it happens along the way, that'd be cool.

This year, I have a lot of fun things planned. Things that used to be so important to me are coming back into my life, now that I have time outside of the theatre. I am falling in love with music again. I am reading again. I am taking in more cinema. My wife and I will be going to Chicago to see Dinosaur Sue. We will be going to NYC to see my favorite movie, Beaches, turned into a Broadway show and possibly see Law & Order: SVU film some scenes (I am really hoping this happens). I get to watch my sister in law marry the love of her life. Celebrate some other friends' marriages. We have a couple of big surprises planned for the end of the year, so stick around to find out more, if you want. I'd love to have you here. #JoyfulJourneyHappyHeart